MYSELF AS A SINGLE MUM.

Two years ago my life was completely different, If somebody had told me how different my life would be today and that I would have a baby, I would have thought they were joking.

At some stages I did resent the fact that I was going to become a mum, I had a lot of comments about my age and the fact that I was going to be a single mother.

Before I had Joshua I wasn't as scared about the birth as much as I was scared that I was going to end up with this baby from hell and I would be stuck with him forever. The worst thing now is that I know that it won't be forever. He has already grown so much. It is hard to think that one day he will be all grown up and have to face the world without me there to look after him.

What I've come to realise now is that Josh gave me a purpose, before I had him I did not see myself going anywhere, I lived from one day to the next without worrying or even contemplating the future.

I was attending school but that was more for entertainment rather than a serious desire to make something out of my life. So when I became pregnant it struck me like a bolt out of the blue that I was going to have somebody looking up to me. I would become a role model whether I wanted to or not. The whole birth was very surreal I had so many thoughts running through my head yet the only ones I could manage to get out were "Oh, he's got hair." At least three or four times.

Then just stunned silence on my behalf. It struck me that having a baby had filled most of my waking moments for the whole of my pregnancy but I hadn't thought beyond that, I had never thought "and then what?" Reality probably didn't hit me until about two weeks later when my mum had returned to work and I was home with just me and Josh. It was a really hot day and Josh had been grizzling for a while so I bopped him up and down and he did this massive projectile vomit all over the two of us, so I changed him and while I was in the process he piddled all over me. It was disgusting and yet I didn't mind I just picked him up and threw us both in the shower, where he then decided to pass a movement and I can remember thinking "so this is motherhood." A close friend once told me that she is looking forward to being a grandmother because then she can have the time to fully appreciate her grandchildren, and I wholeheartedly agree.

Being a mum you don't have much time, and for me being a single mum who is studying and working I don't have as much time to fully appreciate my son as I would like to be able to. I don't find it a huge difficulty not having a partner. I'm not saying that it isn't hard, there have been times and there still are, when I would give my right arm for somebody to help out and I could have some peace or sleep for just a few hours. But I wouldn't give it up for the world.

Just a few weeks ago I came to realise that I am happy. It doesn't sound like such a big thing but how many people can truly say that they are perfectly happy with their life?

By Natasha Love.